For the last four years my intention for spiritual health was exactly that...no more seeking, no more doubt. But there are the looming questions, how would I be, what would my life look like, how would I be in relationship to others, and most of all... could that be the end of all struggling? Isn't life a big struggle most of the time? Is that the resolve of the human experience, my human experience? What I can say is when I am experiencing love in the true sense, the struggle is uplifted, it doesn't enter into my consciousness at that very moment. But I struggle for that moment every bloody second, I seek those moments, I doubt those moments.
Today, my intention is to transform my perception. The perception that there has to be struggle. It's like looking for the car keys when they're already in your pocket as you throw up the covers of the bed, look in the trash, and try to remember what you wore the day before. You stand there silently in the middle of the house thinking and then...you hear a very familiar jingling sound at your side...oh yes...you were in possession of them the whole time. That which I seek, I already have.
Okay, now...what to do about doubt?
Thank you for the reminder that we really don't have to struggle! Been wrapped up in the struggle thing for the past few days!
ReplyDeletePerhaps it appears that way when you look overwhelmed at the mountain and are not focused the single step needed at the moment in the journey.
I needed this little note 2 self;the keys are already in our own pocket.
Dena
Your blog is beautiful and your courage is magnificent. I find myself truly lucky to know you and honored to call you "friend."
ReplyDelete...And if you're going to doubt anything; doubt your limitations.
I think doubt and questioning are a source of vitality--it's the dance of doubt, certainty, answering, questioning that works like blood circulating in our system. We breathe in faith, breathe out doubt, breathe in questioning, breathe out certainty. For me, angst comes from wanting life to stop being ephemeral, from wanting to hold on to ideas and beliefs, from trying to be fixed and fix things. As long as I can love and people love me, or, maybe, it's just being able to love that's the most important. And, you know, getting old makes all of this so much easier. But you are a Pilgrim, a Pilgrim of the Spirit, Dear Steph. You are a Seeker with a Light Around Your Face. I'll tell you what make me feel good--you in the world.
ReplyDelete